Depression encroaches on my life now.  I've dreamed of being a teacher now for 3 years.  I've done all that I can to achieve that goal, but as always there are impenetrable obstacles in my way to achievement, comfort, and sucess.  I've gotten my master's degree in early childhood.  I've signed up with a certifying agency.  Diligently looked for work.  And yet here I sit jobless, without my dream, without a hope left for my future.  I wonder why it is that I continue to have hardship.  I'm told that God loves me and that he is "mindful" of me.  And yet I have nothing.  I don't have the love of a good man, or children of my own, or even a career of my own.  I have no house, though I have a home of sorts where I continue to be a burden to my family and to society.  I can't even say I have my health because I'm diabetic, arthritic, and often feel sick on a daily basis.  Why I continue to draw breathe is beyond me.  There seems to be no purpose to my existence, no worth to my contributions to life.  The only future I have to look forward to is to sit alone at home living on just $650 per month with food stamps and my dogs until my poor tired mother collapses from working so hard to provide for us.  Then I can look forward to recriminations from my family because I'm the loser my mother hung onto until she worked herself to death out of love for me.  Then I can look forward to years of abject poverty until my body finally gives up and give what I've wanted all along and that is death.  But will I have peace and rest then?  I think not, because then I will have to answer to why I was such an abject loser and what I should have done differently.  Then I can look forward to an eternity alone or if some people can be believed I will have to come back here and do this all again.  What kind of hell is that and why do I deserve it?